Stars: Vincent Regan, Amy Beth Hayes, Patrick Bergin
Is it possible to write a story that has no soul? Is it possible to have actors that have no heart? Is it possible to sit and watch a movie and wonder the entire 90 minutes why don’t you just give it up? Let me assure you that it is.
Eva. Don’t run to Netflix to click play on this one. Don’t look on Amazon to stream or buy it, you won’t find it. It’s a boring tale of pre-mid-post World War II in Romania. Apparently this film premiered at the 2010 Cannes Film Festival and was released in Hungary and Romania. The movie was not dubbed, but is in English. After release, it must have died shortly thereafter.
You know, I’m not really the type to write cruel movie reviews, so I’ll try and control my typing fingers. Here is the synopsis of Eva.
The story begins with Eva saying goodbye to a man named Tudor at a train station. It’s the usual, “Don’t go,” from a sad woman. Then the usual reply, “I have to go,” from the serious man. He goes, then the planes come, bomb the city, and she’s knocked out in the street. Now it’s flashback time to when she’s 16 meeting the so-called love of her life, Tudor. (Push aside all the stupid sub-plots too about her mean uncle who she lives with. I don’t even want to go there.)
Virgin Eva meets a man who lives on a mountain cutting timber. With no hesitation, and no remorse on his part, he beds her on their second meeting. She’s 16, he looks as if he’s 35-40. Then a few days later, he tells her he must leave for America to take care of his ailing mother. Okay, so he goes, but not before they both confess their undying love. Hence, the revolving plot. He goes, he comes, he goes, he comes, he goes, he comes, and she never knows why he goes and comes until the end. The periods of going and coming stretch for years at a time.
Between the coming and going she meets two decent men who love her dearly. A Baron and a young doctor. She marries the Baron, confesses she loves him, but on one of Tudor’s returns, she instantly dumps her husband and speeds off on a horse with her one-true love leaving the poor Baron in the dust. Of course,again Tudor leaves, and her Baron husband comes back into the picture to pick up the pieces of Tudor’s next long absence. She finds out she’s pregnant by Tudor. She loses the baby. She tries to commit suicide. Her estranged husband finds her half dead and saves her life.
Tudor returns, again, and for once she tries to resist his temptation. The Baron shoots him in the arm when he tries to see her, but she eventually breaks down and comes back to her crying boyfriend recovering from his gunshot wound.
She jumps back in bed with him for hot sex. She never tells him about the baby, or the suicide attempt, or what she’s been up to for the last three years. All she knows is that she cannot love another man because for nine years of her life Tudor comes and goes at whim and she loves him still.
Finally, she wakes up out of her flashback coma and all is revealed. Tudor was a secret agent, which you sort of guess since he disappears and can never tell her what he does. The Baron, who had moved to Cario during the war gets murdered. The young doctor who professed his love of beautiful Eva is killed in battle. She searches for Tudor and believes he’s finally been killed, but doesn’t really know. In the end, his cousin shows up and takes her away and they sail off into the sunset to America.
Oh, God, this movie was painful to watch. The only reason I kept watching it was so I could write another review. This review is probably just as bad! The sad violin music plays mournfully throughout in the background, and when that’s not playing, Eva plays mournful songs on the piano.
In summary, the movie was boring. The plot dragged on. I heard myself say multiple times, “This is really lame.” The acting was dull. The love affair was sick. And the movie had no life whatsoever.
End of review. It’s too painful to write anything else about it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.